


The Hair on Dean's Ass

by TwiceBakedPotato



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen, Humor, Misunderstandings, Road Rage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-22
Updated: 2016-07-22
Packaged: 2018-07-26 02:18:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7556305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TwiceBakedPotato/pseuds/TwiceBakedPotato
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean is frustrated while driving and Cas is way too literal.</p><p>(Inspired by actual things said on a recent road trip.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Hair on Dean's Ass

                Dean Winchester was going to snap.

                In front of him, blocking both lanes of west-bound I-70, were two semi-trucks going 60 miles an hour in a 70mph zone. Correction: One was going 60mph. The other was going approximately 60.0009mph, slowly passing the other truck. Behind Dean was a long line of angry motorists, but Dean he had a front row seat to the stupidity.

                “Oh for fuck’s sake!” Dean growled as both trucks started to slow as they began up a hill.

                From the back seat, Castiel (otherwise known as Captain Obvious) said, “These vehicles appear to not have the power to ascend this hill without further slowing.”

                “Yeah, because they both need to get some hair on their ass and grab another gear,” Dean almost shouted.

                Cas’s brow drew together as he stared at the back of the elder Winchester’s head. “What does that mean?”

                “Grab another gear means to go faster,” Sam answered.

                “This is shitty driving,” Dean said. “We should be in Kansas City by now, but these two assholes are clogging the whole road.” He held up a finger to silence Sam then jabbed the finger towards the trucks. “Douchebag in the fast lane should not be passing, and douchebag on the right should slow down so the other douchebag can get around and stop _being an asshole!”_

                “It’s called road rage, Cas,” Sam said, not looking up from his tablet.

                “This is not road rage,” Dean said. “It’s common fucking courtesy.”

                “So it is courteous to…” Castiel paused, his whole face drawing into a confused frown.

                “It is courteous to consider other people on the road,” Sam says.

                Cas nods. “Yes, I understand that. But…”

                “This is ridiculous,” Dean said, his frustration apparent. The diesels were still mostly side by side. Only looking close could anyone see any form of progress. “At this rate, we’ll be home next fucking week.”

                “Because the drivers are being discourteous,” Castiel said.

                “Yes,” Dean said.

                Castiel nodded. “Because they have no hair on their ass.”

                “Exactly,” Dean said with another frustrated growl.

                “I don’t understand,” Cas said, his head tilting to the side. “What does the hair on the driver’s ass have to do with his ability to drive a vehicle?”

                Sam snorted, and turned his whole body to look back at Cas. “What?”

                “The driver who is attempting to pass has no hair on his ass, which is somehow encumbering his ability to move with greater speed,” Cas answered. “Therefore, if he is to be a proficient driver, he should attempt to grow more hair on his bottom. Correct?”

                Suddenly forgetting the frustration of the slow trucks, Dean laughed and said, “No, Cas. It’s… It’s just a phrase. Kind of like ‘get the lead out’.”

                “Lead?” Cas asked. “I know that lead is heavy, but what does that have to do with aerodynamics?”

                “Aerody—no.” Dean chuckled. “Nothing, Cas. No hair or lead.”

                “Because I know that is not true, Dean,” Cas said in that sincere way of his. “You do not have a great deal of hair on your ass, but you speed constantly.”

                Sam snorted again and his shoulders shook with the effort to suppress a full body laugh.

                Dean was turning a little pink. “No, it’s… That’s… No, Cas. Leave my ass out of this.”

                “I like your ass the way it is,” Cas said, smirking at Dean’s wide eyes in the rearview.

                “I don’t want to hear this,” Sam said as he dug in his pocket for his earbuds.

                Dean’s frown morphed into a shit-eating grin, and said, “Then maybe you shouldn’t get an adjoining room tonight.”

               


End file.
